Marred By A Family Member

Topic: Marred by a family member

Text: 1 Samuel 13:1-20

Key verse: Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house. verse 20

The home is supposed to be the safest place for anyone. It is designed to be a place filled with your loved ones. From birth, a child grows up experiencing love from people in the family and as such grows up to trust the people in that home.

There is an unspoken creed among family members, ‘one for all, all for one’! Whenever there is  conflict involving a third party, family members naturally stand up in defense of their relative. Therefore, when someone in the family,  assaults or betrays a family member, it is considered a very grievous offence.

David’s household must have been full of intrigues and every child must have grown up seeking the Father’s attention as much as possible because of the polygamous nature. It is not surprising that Ammon faking Ill health worked as planned to attract  the King’s attention.

In a polygamous family, no matter how hard the head of the home tries, strife is always present among the women and the children. That’s why God created them, male and female from the beginning.

The moment man started to find reasons to create a marriage model with two or more females married to one man, whether they live together under one roof or not,  strife became a constant  in  families.

For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16

A polygamous home is a naturally toxic environment, but worse than that is where you live with unfulfilled desires.

 Manipulation, deception and plots are common practices to protect each person’s interest.

Still strange in our text today,   is  why the  son of David’s elder brother, Shimea should suggest such a terrible idea to Ammon. No doubt, jealousy and envy against David’s family must have inspired the idea.

Tamar was the victim, in our key verse, we see the effect of the assault that left her Marred for life!

She was a good girl, a very wise one at that. When she realized what Ammon wanted, she made all the right suggestions to avoid either of them being hurt, but it fell on deaf ears.

Ammon was consumed by a strange desire, an obsession to take his own sister! What are you obsessed with? What do you want so badly from another, that you are not willing to listen to reason? Be careful! You will hurt yourself and hurt others. Get help today!

Tamar, tore her beautiful robe, she lost her glory. She lost her self worth, so she poured ashes on herself. As a King’s daughter, her story must have made the headlines in the gossip columns, her experience, is called Domestic abuse. Experiencing hurt and pain in a safe place, your home, or from family members is considered, as domestic abuse.

So many people today have experienced, or  are living in such circumstances like Tamar, they have been used and dumped. Worse still, is the silence that follows, to protect the family name. David, as the head of the family did not take action to console Tamar,  or punish Ammon.

I have recently met several people who experienced abuse in their childhood, right in their homes. Close family relatives took advantage of them, and today they live with the scar!

There are times, the abuse is not sexual, but verbal or physical. It is still damaging, no matter the form.  It could take place between spouses or between a parent and a child.

Maybe, like Tamar your case has never been discussed and the wound in your heart is so deep. Jesus has come to heal your brokenness.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Jesus knows how to heal you completely.

He understands humanity, for as a Man, our magnificent King-Priest was tempted in every way just as we are, and conquered sin.

Open your heart to him, he understands. Don’t lock up yourself in a house of mourning forever,don’t waste time wishing it never happened. Don’t take a false bridge like Absalom suggested, its time to grieve well. 

Let go of the anger and rage, even hatred for those who hurt you. Walk away from the village of hopelessness. There is hope for you in Jesus.

You lost one kind of glory, but there are other types of glory! Jesus gives beauty for ashes.

The decision to die a desolate woman was a choice. You can believe the lies the enemy is telling you about your future, or you can choose the truth of God’s word.

You may be a marred vessel, but as long as you are in the Potter’s hand you can be made into another vessel without the scar!

Do you believe this? I believe it for you. Your restoration will be a process, you have to let the Master do it, just believe and obey his word. And you will find yourself on the journey to a place of new beginning.

Send me a mail, to closinggapsko@gmail. com if you need further help with healing from family wounds.

Keep hope alive!

Roses&Thorns

Published by Ada Babajide

Ada Babajide is a Certified Faith-Based Counsellor, Life Coach, Pastor and Trauma Healing Facilitator. She is passionate about the recovery of the brokenhearted in the kingdom and has helped several people walk past their trauma and have new beginnings. She hosts regular Trauma healing retreats and is a regular speaker at conferences and seminars.

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